Hog to the Trough

If it weren’t Bobby Petrino, one would have felt sorry for the man at the podium. Immediately after making his acceptance speech at Arkansas, he is surrounded by the Razorback cheerleaders. Must be at least 15 of them, Petrino has no place to hide, as they squeal:


One gets the feeling that Petrino had finally been cornered and was being exposed as swine for his boarish behavior. He is trapped in the pig pen, wallowing in the sloppy quagmire he has created for himself. It’s a shame the cameras missed getting a closeup of Petrino’s snout during his inauguration ceremony.

Snort. Snort.


Petrino’s Wandering Eyes

Bobby Petrino hasn’t arrived in Arkansas yet. But already, Razorback fans have to be wondering how long he will hang around Fayetteville. A man who flirts with every major job vacancy around can’t be trusted.

Just a year ago, Petrino was confirming for the fourth year in a row that “Louisville is where I want to be,” denying interest in other coaching jobs. Leading fans to believe he would return this year with Brian Brohm to pursue a national championship. Two days after winning the Orange Bowl, however, he was off to the Atlanta Falcons.

Petrino was effusive about his new position, describing it as “the best job in football,” the fruition of his dream of becoming an NFL coach. Fan expectations weren’t that high, he could introduce his system, build the Falcons into a winner over two or three seasons, be there for the long haul as Falcons’ owner Arthur Blank recently told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

“He’s been very clear with me,” Blank said. “He loves Atlanta and he loves the organization. Obviously he’s disappointed in what happened to Michael Vick, but he has great confidence with myself, with [president/general manager] Rich McKay and the coaching staff to put together a winner and be here many years. He told me this is where he wants to be and that his work is just beginning.”

Less than two weeks later, Blank receives a telephone call from Petrino saying he is resigning to take a college job. Before the NFL season is even over. Got the urge to move on.

Arkansas fans feel fortunate to get Petrino, especially after their first choice changed his mind. His reputation as a winning coach overrides any other concerns for now. The Arkansas Rivals Board described the pick as a “Home Run Hire For Hogs!”

It just could be a match made in hog heaven. When other more prestigious coaching vacancies surface, Hog fans should not concern themselves. Petrino will ease anxieties by assuring them that Fayetteville is where he wants to be, and he plans to be there for a long, long time. And you just know he’s a man of his word.

Let’s hear it for Bobby: “Whooo, Pig, Soooeeee!”

Babysitter Gone, Baby Too

Now we have a good idea how Ellis Myles kept Derrick Caracter out of trouble the last two years: Can’t you just see it? Myles tracking Caracter’s every move, making sure he gets out of bed every day, trailing him to classes, getting him to practices, monitoring his food intake and getting him back to the dorm before curfew.

Problem is the babysitter got in trouble himself, recently relinquishing his official duties as assistant strength coach after an unpleasant encounter with a local high school coach, apparently serious enough to send Myles packing. Myles was last seen in Israel, looking for another basketball team.

So the team is stuck with depending on Mr. Undependable. No clue about personal responsibility. Caracter interpreted the dismissal of his keeper as a get-out-of-jail card, making up for all the time he had missed while under the constant surveillance.

The odds against Caracter turning himself around would be remote under the best of circumstances. But Ellis Myles has probably had enough of the babysitting, even if he were reoffered the position.

Monday Morning Memos

Those Thinking NBA Already: Not gonna happen anytime soon, and won’t ever if you can’t fathom how teams are supposed to function. You know, the parts working together, not separately.

Sizzle Over Substance:
Yeah, you T-Will. A bounce pass beats one from behind the back sailing out of bounds. Dunks are great but not when you miss them; sometimes simple layups will do, especially when points are few and far between.

One Dimensional: Some of those offensive moves are incredible, Derrick. However, your movement on defense is just plain offensive.

Sulker: The act is getting old, Edgar. Remember how you played before you scored so many points against Texas A&M. Play quarterback again. Wasn’t that long ago.

Find the keys quickly, please.

Card Fan Gift Tip #2

Just over two weeks until Christmas, stop the procrastinating. A sure way make a statement and make Card fans in the family happy is to get them University of Louisville state license plates. The plates are available at any Jefferson County Clerk office. Takes only minutes if you go early in the month, like now. The initial cost is $56, and $10 of that goes to U of L’s general scholarship fund.